Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
