Do you still have your period?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
