Betty ford says i'm here all night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
