He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
