This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
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Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you never un-have a 4some
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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