idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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