remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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