That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We are all done wearing pants today
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
