I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
