all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When are your genitals available?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
