Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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