Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
handjob tips. give me some.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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