My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Congratulations! We have a period
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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