Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
