You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
