i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
how drunk are you?
Several
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
