you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
