he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
