She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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