And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
