Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
