Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
