Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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