So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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