My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
