i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
