So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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