he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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