this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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