how can u be prego again
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
