it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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