Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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