I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
did you just send me my own nude
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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