Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
