The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize