Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
