So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
