you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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