And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
