halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
