Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Be still, my beating vagina.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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