yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
