I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
