When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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