This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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