You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
