I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
