And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
