When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
