Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.

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  (503): after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success. http://tfl.nu/y8ni
  Replies (15) Good night (5260) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.

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  (678): Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed. http://tfl.nu/4nvh
  Replies (12) Good night (645) Bad night (4490)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her

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  (312): She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her http://tfl.nu/ua6n
  Replies (13) Good night (800) Bad night (5661)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive

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  (970): just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive http://tfl.nu/n5td
  Replies (24) Good night (5181) Bad night (986)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds

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  (914): I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/eevd
  Replies (4) Good night (1297) Bad night (1333)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.

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  (650): I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage. http://tfl.nu/zawq
  Replies (10) Good night (2528) Bad night (1370)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?

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  (918): Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball? http://tfl.nu/b2ii
  Replies (5) Good night (817) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.

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  (570): I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in. http://tfl.nu/wp3g
  Replies (6) Good night (1328) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE

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  (407): SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE http://tfl.nu/zlef
  Replies (8) Good night (2116) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty

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  (541): Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty http://tfl.nu/qyka
  Replies (10) Good night (678) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.

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  (847): I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk. http://tfl.nu/f1iz
  Replies (5) Good night (999) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.

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  (210): It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that. http://tfl.nu/m71m
  Replies (0) Good night (342) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.

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  (847): He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar. http://tfl.nu/eewb
  Replies (0) Good night (553) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  The side bitch struggle is real.

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  (337): I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car. (717): The side bitch struggle is real. http://tfl.nu/ni3w
  Replies (4) Good night (957) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Lord god protect this child

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  (770): Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me (603): Lord god protect this child http://tfl.nu/t9s3
  Replies (3) Good night (616) Bad night (269)

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