i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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