out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?