Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.