Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die