it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
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Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.