There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.