It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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