Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
