wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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