i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
