the day after is always just damage control
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
