So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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