He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
