I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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