So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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