Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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