So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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