These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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