Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
