hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
