The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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