He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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