Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
