My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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