So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
