Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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