I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
