Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
