Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
