We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
