i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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