Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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