My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
